Your mouth is God's brothel.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
