This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
