we have pet lesbian snakes
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
