i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
