Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
