I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
