I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
