So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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