i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
