is your mom at the bar?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
