I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
