...so i touched it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
