I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
