pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
