guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I can text with my tongue
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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