You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
