I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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