for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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