my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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