Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
