he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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