shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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