I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
