Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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