i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
