im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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