what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
