she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
