this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
