My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
