Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
