I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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