Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
