i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
