Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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