Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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