The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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