If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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