You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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