Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
