what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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