Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
