I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
