Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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