Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
