I just saw a hot homeless man
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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