Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
