Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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