Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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