Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
